The Pain is Good For Me: The Keys to Receiving Tough Feedback
How gracefully do you accept constructive criticism?
It’s not easy when people point out our flaws. It’s humiliating, a hit to the ego, and can even make us panic a bit. But if we want to grow both professionally and personally, feedback is something that we’re going to have to learn to take seriously and not personally.
More often than not, the people delivering the criticism have been tasked to do so because it’s part of their job or it’s someone who has a genuine concern for our well-being. However, receiving tough feedback doesn’t have to be a painful process. In fact, it can be eye-opening and rewarding. You just have to reframe the situation from a negative one to an opportunity for you to learn about yourself so you can continue to grow.
Here are the keys to accepting tough feedback as though it were a valuable gift that is meant to benefit your progress in life:
Actively Listen
Just as there are those who don’t accept criticism well, there are people who haven’t quite mastered the art of delivering feedback. Constructive criticism can often seem mean-spirited and feel like a personal attack. Actively listen and fight the urge to get defensive and shut down. Be in control of your emotions so that you don’t miss the important message that you are receiving. Whether it’s delivered poorly or not, the key is for you to listen to its substance rather than focus on the tone.
Ask Questions
Ask for specifics. The person giving you the feedback may be too vague as they attempt to be polite, hoping you’ll figure it out on your own based on the context clues. However, you’re going to need more detail if you’re going to get to the heart of the feedback and use it to make the necessary changes to improve your behavior or performance.
Say “Thank You”
Don’t shoot the messenger. Show gratitude for the effort that was made to deliver the tough feedback to you. It can be uncomfortable to be the bearer of bad news. Be genuinely thankful that you’ve been made aware of your shortcomings and now have the opportunity to evaluate your shortcomings.
Look for Trends
Ask yourself if you’ve heard any of this before. If you have, then it may be a recurring issue that you still haven’t dealt with. It’s also possible that you heard it once before and ignored it for whatever reason. Think about why this specific behavior of yours keeps coming up in conversations. Perhaps it’s time to take it seriously?
Eat the Meat and Throw Away the Bones
Not all constructive criticism is all truth. Some may be riddled with personal opinions from jealous people who intend to make you feel bad. But when you are self-aware, you can take away what is meaningful and set aside what doesn’t benefit you. Seek the truth and take it, no matter how hard it is to swallow.
Dr. Yashima White Azilove
I am an international speaker, certified coach and skilled consultant with over 20 years of corporate brand communications executive experience in the media, entertainment, healthcare and financial service industries. I now use my expertise in brand communications to ELEVATE audiences, corporations, celebrity/talent and faith organizations.